A rough weekend.

Sorry about the lack of posts, but its been a rough weekend.

On Friday afternoon my cousin, Steven R. Foster, was killed in a head on collision in Grenville, AL. He was 43 years old. The man who hit him wasn't drunk, texting, or on his cell phone. He simply lost control around a curb and over-corrected into the other lane. A complete accident. My mother called me to let me know and the news hit me pretty hard. My cousin was always a laughing man, always ready with a joke or something to keep the conversation alive. He was also a loving father and husband. His oldest boy, Zach, is autistic like my brother, only more severe. He adored his wife and it was evident in everything that he did that he put his family first.

Funeral's are hard for me not always because of the loss, but because of my loss for words. I don't have the generic religious fallback phrases such as "he is in a better place" or "God wanted him home"... in fact, I believe that sometimes those phrases make people more angry and confused. I told them that I was there for them should they have any need whatsoever and that Steve would be so pleased to see how many lives he had touched in his short life.

I have personally been to 7 funerals in 2 years but this was the first that I really felt the grief. All that I had been to up to today were of people who were sickly, old or knew that their death was eminent. But this one was different...sadness was everywhere, you couldn't escape it... the overwhelming grief filled each room. There was no laughter, no catching up, just mourning. Although it was our goal to celebrate his life, it was tainted by the reminder of its brevity. I feel cold saying that Steven's death is the first that I've actually mourned, but it's true. I feel a sadness that I can't shake, and no matter what I am doing, images of him and his crying wife and mother sneak into my thoughts.

On another negative note, I missed 2 days of class for the viewing/funeral and it's reflecting in my grade. Awesome thing about nursing school?...absolutely no excused absences.

I know my daily routine will pick back up eventually, but I don't think Steven will ever leave my thoughts completely. Even though I only saw him a few times a year, I'll think about him everyday.